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Truth is Truth

1 May

My brother is very smart. He has a high IQ, and he knows a lot of things, but he’s somewhat lazy. When he was in college he took a complex class in physics, and the professor had a policy that if the students were taking an exam and could not answer a question, they could write “Truth is Truth” in that space, and enter something related to the course that had some theory of physics involved in it. Needless to say, my brother used this option a lot. He told me he figured he could learn some basic physics concepts, and use those to get through his exams. So he did that, and it worked. He passed the class. How much he really learned is anybody’s guess, but at that point learning wasn’t his focus – passing was.

Truth is truth – it’s a simple concept, and it’s correct. The truth of any situation is the basis of its existence. And yet sometimes we forget this basic concept of life. We sometimes pretend that the truth doesn’t exist. “Don’t look over there, look over here. Don’t listen to that, listen to me.” We do this when the truth is uncomfortable, or when we are having trouble facing it. We dodge, we hide, we camouflage, we ignore, and we pretend, and all of those things are effective in distracting us from the real truth of the situation. But they can never change it. It’s still there. It’s always there. Nothing can stop the truth from coming out. It can be hidden for a while, but eventually it will rise, and force us to look at it straight on.

Accepting the truth in our lives isn’t always easy. If we want something very much but for reasons out of our control cannot have it, we may convince ourselves that we can still get it. We just need to wait a little longer, be a little more patient, or try a little harder. Sometimes that works, but often it doesn’t. The trick is to figure out what we can change, and what we can’t. And once we’ve determined that, then we know the whole truth. And that’s what we must face.

There is a lot of dishonesty in the world. It seems that everyone is selling us something. It’s easy to be distracted by the glitz, the promises, and the thrall of something new. We have to be careful to look closely at the entire picture, and discern the whole truth of the situation. But there are times when we don’t want to know the truth, we don’t want to face it because it’s too hard. We don’t think we can handle it. However, whether we want to see it or not, changes nothing. It’s still there. It will not change. So the best we can do is to face it, accept it, and go forward.

Today pay attention to what you see and what you hear. Take a moment to think about it. Are you seeing the real truth, or is it a version of the truth that has been modified to fit someone’s model? Dig down. Get to the bottom of it. Truth is truth. And that never changes.

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Do you dance?

28 Apr

Our lives are busy. We have families. We have jobs, and friends. We have hobbies we enjoy. You might have a dog, or a cat, or a pet turtle. We’re busy. People expect things from us, and we try to accommodate them. Sometimes though it seems like people expect a lot from us, and accommodating everyone can become a burden. So we learn to adapt. We learn to dance. We do a little bend here, a slide there, maybe a dip next, and the notorious two step when it’s needed. Dancing can be fun, and sometimes it can be tricky so we need to be careful. If we dance all the time, we can lose ourselves while we perform for others.

Maybe your boss expects you to portray a certain image. It’s a good image, maybe not who you really are, but you play along for the sake of getting along. Or your family wants you to do something that you really don’t enjoy, but everyone else wants to do it so you go along. You want everyone to be happy, and it’s not like you HATE the activity so you adjust. Maybe your companion wants to go somewhere that you don’t want to go. They are pressing you to agree, and you eventually say it’s fine, you’re happy to go. But that’s not exactly true – you aren’t really happy to go, but you’ll go because it’s easier than saying no. You take a little step to the left.

We learn to dance. We do what is expected, we turn where we’re directed, and we partner up when needed. There is a saying that we should “dance like nobody is watching.” If we were truly dancing like nobody was watching, we probably would be doing things a bit differently. We might throw our arms in the air, tap our toe, smile and say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” And then happily sashay away in a different direction. If we danced like nobody was watching, like nobody expected certain steps, we could move our own way all the time, and we might be happier.

Life isn’t really like that though. Sometimes we need to accommodate those we care about or need in our lives. But if we accommodate everyone else all the time, at the expense of our individual choices, eventually, the dance catches up to us, and we lose our footing. So, we need to find the balance. Sometimes we give a little, and sometimes we hold firm. Sometimes we agree, and sometimes we say no. It’s okay to turn down requests. It doesn’t mean we don’t care. It just means that this time, we’re dancing to our own music. We’re choosing our own steps. Maybe a tango isn’t right for us today. Maybe everyone else is doing the tango, but today we need to waltz. We’re still dancing, but today we will choose our own steps. You can always choose your own steps. Do you feel like waltzing today? It’s a perfect day for it!

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Shoulda Woulda Coulda

16 Apr

We all make dozens of decisions every day. Some are important, some are inconsequential, and some we make without even thinking about them. But what do we do if we find out a decision we have already made may have bad or even disastrous results? How can we process that? We may look back and think, “I can’t believe I did that! I can’t believe I fell for that. I can’t believe I was so stupid.” The problem with looking back is that we can’t project the person we are now back to the person we were when we made the decision. Even if we made the decision last week, we are different now than we were then. Second guessing decisions made in the past based on who we are now will never work. Life happens and things can change in an instant – we get information we didn’t have before, we see the problem differently, someone new enters the picture that changes the entire dynamic. Generally, I think we’ll all agree, people don’t intentionally make bad decisions that will hurt them. We try our best based on the information we have, and the situation we are in.

So how do we deal with the results of a bad decision? How do we go forward? How can we fix things and forgive ourselves for making the mistake? If the decision only hurt us, we can cope with that, learn from it, and move on. But if the decision hurt others, caused the end of a relationship or caused us to lose the trust of those around us, it will be more difficult. If we’ve hurt others we can try to make amends, and apologize.  If we’ve really broken a relationship, we may have to accept that it can’t be fixed, and let it go. That is difficult, especially if it was a relationship we valued, but we can’t go back in time. We can’t change the past. We are where we are. There are no “do overs.” All we can do is go forward from here. If we’ve lost the trust of others, we may be able to restore it if we explain why we chose what we chose, and if we include them going forward when decisions come that will affect them. Over time, if we’re careful, that trust may come back.

We are all only human. We are going to make mistakes. It happens. We don’t get a manual when we come here that warns us to “watch out for that decision you have to make in May…” We learn as we go. Sometimes we screw up. It’s just how it is. And when we screw up, we can learn from it, we can cope with the results of the decision, we can try to fix things again, and we will do better next time. If you’re struggling with a bad decision you’ve made in the past, and you are having trouble letting it go, try to remember why you chose what you chose. You were in a different place, you thought things would go differently, and you wouldn’t have made the decision you made had you known it would end badly. Forgive yourself. It’s not the end of times. It’s just a bump in the road. Next time you’ll get it right.

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