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Enough is enough.

27 Mar

Expectations.  We all have them.  Others have them for us.  It seems everyone expects us to be this or that, to look like this or that, to act this way or that way, to do things one way or another.  There are expectations everywhere.  You pick up a magazine and nobody in it looks like you.  They don’t even look like anyone you have ever known, but the expectation it seems, is that we should all look like the flawless, perfect, successful, people on those glossy pages.  That’s not only absurd, it’s impossible.  We read stories about 70 year old men who are still running marathons, 60 year old women who look like they are 30, and 30 year old people who are making millions of dollars.  And in each story there seems the implication that if we just worked harder we, too, could be like them.  And often it seems the expectation is that we should want to be like them.  But should we be comparing ourselves to that?

There is always someone in our sphere who expects us to somehow be different than we are and when we don’t meet that expectation, they express their dismay and disappointment.  “Just try a little harder to be the person I think you should be and you’ll be happier,” they seem to say.  But should we be listening to that?  Should we be striving to be someone that somebody else thinks we should be.  Could they possibly know more about us than we know about ourselves?

Most of us have an idea of the person we want to be.  We have personal goals, things we’d like to improve on, things we’d like to do better, things we’d like to stop doing.  Those goals are, as I said – personal.  They belong to us.  They are ours alone.  We set them and we decide how to manage them.  Some we meet, some we let go of, some we keep working on.  The important thing to understand is that they are just ours and nobody else’s.  So when others express their defined expectations for us, we can and should evaluate if those expectations define where we want to go before we give them any credence.  We are the ones who set the standard for the person we want to be.  It really doesn’t matter what our families think we should be, what our friends think we should be, what the world thinks we should be, or what our lovers think we should be.  The important thing is that we become the people WE think we should be.  That is the only way to be genuinely who we are.

We don’t have to fit into anybody’s model to be enough.  We don’t have to become someone else’s design of us.  We are enough just as we are.  We are enough because only we can decide who we want to be and how we want to live.  Nobody’s else’s ideas about those parameters matters.  They don’t matter.  We own who we are.  We decide who we will become.  We choose how we will live.  That’s what matters.

You are enough just as you are.  You are enough.  And as long as you are living your life honestly and in the direction you want to go, you are succeeding.  You get closer every day to where you want to be.  Let the world say what it will, let the expectations roll off, and keep your eyes on the goal you set for yourself.  You are enough.  You will become who you choose to become.  Be clear, be brave, and keep true.

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Yes, you can.

25 Mar

There are limitless possibilities in every life.  Millions of paths you could choose, innumerable choices you can make about how you will live your life and what you will do.  The sky’s the limit.  We believe these things when we are young and think about becoming astronauts, ballerinas, famous musicians, Nobel prize winning scientists, and anything else we dream up.  We are sure when we are young that all of these things are certainly possible.  But as we get older and begin to more closely define our lives and what is important to us, we are also impacted by the opinions and advice of others.  It’s wonderful to be a dreamer and imagine everything that can be – dreamers are the people that give the whole world color and interest.  As we age, sometimes we temper our dreams because somebody said they would be not only difficult, but frankly impossible for us to achieve what we’ve been dreaming about.  And maybe somebody else said the idea was ridiculous.  And maybe somebody else said we should be sensible and plan for something that is easier to attain, where we can succeed.  It seems there is no limit to the number of people who will discourage our dreams.  Perhaps it’s because they are cautious.  Perhaps it’s because they are jealous.  Perhaps it’s because they are afraid.  Or maybe it’s because they didn’t go after their own dreams and so they really don’t want us to go after ours and maybe succeed where they failed.   There are countless reasons why people discourage us, and every time they do they chip away a tiny piece of our resolve, a tiny piece of our confidence – that is if we listen to them.

Our lives belong to us.  And they go by fast.  It seems that in a blink five years have passed.  It is important, no it is imperative that we understand that we control our lives.  We can do anything we want.  It doesn’t matter if everyone tells us it won’t work, we can still do it.  The greatest minds in history did things nobody thought could be done.  It is said that Edison designed 1,000 light bulbs that failed before he finally designed one that worked.  Somebody asked him how he could keep going when he had failed already 1,000 times.  His response?  “I haven’t failed 1,000 times.  I have found 1,000 ways that it won’t work.”  And that’s the attitude of success.

I went on a cruise with some friends and there was an excursion, “Adventure in the Trees” or something like that.  It involved completing an obstacle course twenty feet up in an orchard of trees on ropes, including zip lines and all sorts of tricky maneuvers.  We decided it looked like fun and figured it should be safe because the cruise line was sponsoring it.  When we got to the course and climbed up to the ropes we were told that nobody was going to assist us because the tour group had found that when their team helped the participants then tended to rely on them, and would get hurt more often than if they were left to themselves.  I took one look at the situation and thought “THERE IS NO WAY I CAN DO THIS!!”  We had to climb around large tree trunks with nothing to stand on, step on floating planks to get through, and hang from ropes at certain times.  My friend behind me was screaming, “Whose idea was this?  This is insane!”  I called back, “Just keep going,” and I proceeded with my heart in my throat.  The course was not easy and took about two and a half hours to complete.  But by the end of it we were laughing and having a blast.  We had tested ourselves, and once we got over our fears, found that it was really fun to push ourselves and figure it all out.  At the end of the course we decided it had been the BEST DAY EVER!  That was a great example to me that even when I’m afraid and think I can’t do something, I should go out there and do it anyway.

Is there something you really want to do and haven’t tried because you were told it wouldn’t work, it wouldn’t be worth your time or money, it was a dumb idea, or any other discouraging advice?  Is there something you really want to do that you haven’t tried because you’ve been afraid it would fail?  What’s the worst thing that could happen if you actually tried to do the one thing you really want to do?  What’s the worst thing that could happen?  If you want to start performing music, someone could say “You suck.”  Can you handle that?  If you design a new piece of equipment and it fails, you’re out the time you spent and whatever funds you invested.  Can you handle that?  If you want to write a book and you finish it, and nobody publishes it, can you handle that?  Take some time and think about what it is you really want to do.  Make a plan to begin the process to get it started.  When the hurdles come, jump over them.  You can do anything you want to do.  Anything.  Sure some things will fail, sure it might not go the way you think it will, sure it might be difficult, but you can still do it.  And whatever comes, you’ll be happy that you tried.   They say that when we are dying it’s not the things we did that we regret – it’s the things we didn’t do.  So be brave.  Be convinced.  Get out there.  Do what you are dreaming of.  Take control.  Live YOUR life.  Have a blast!

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