When something terrible happens in our lives, something really bad that takes our breath away, something that shocks us, and frightens us, our initial response to coping with it might be to push it out of our minds, and refuse to think about it. That way we believe we can handle the pain. Initially it may seem like a good idea. It really hurts to think about it, and it would follow that not thinking about it would be better. So we close it off, set it aside, tuck it away behind a door in our minds. We determine that we will think about it later. Later, when we’re stronger. Later, when we’re ready. It’ll still be there, and we’ll look at it then. And who knows, maybe by then it won’t hurt so much.
It’s the old “tuck and roll” technique. You tuck it away, and roll on to something else. Unfortunately, the moment we tuck the problem away, it becomes frozen in time. It does not change, it does not morph into something easier to look at, it does not go away. It stays exactly as it was the moment we decided to ignore it. And the catch is that those problems we’ve put aside tend to get impatient if we don’t go back to them. Before long they remind us they are there. They pop up into our thoughts, and they peak into our dreams. And when they do, they still hurt because we’ve done nothing to cope with them. All we’ve done is try to forget them. And that never works.
Unfinished business is unfinished. We are not done with it, and it will remain unfinished, and continue to prick us until we garner the courage to address it. It becomes a weight that holds us down, a broken shoe that slows us up, and a stop sign in our progress. If we want to go forward, we have to go back. We have to open the door all the way, we have to open our eyes and see the problem, and we have to face the situation completely. It may hurt. It may hurt a lot, but if we want to let it go, first we have to let it come. We have to let the pain roll over us. We have to face it head on, face all our fears, and all our doubts, and stand up to it. Only after that can we finally let it go.
The biggest, heaviest, most destructive wave in the ocean can only break on the shore one time. And then it’s gone. The issues we’ve been afraid to face are the same way. They may hurt us when we let them roll over us, but if we face them, they will only hurt us once, and then we can begin to heal. The wave will have passed. There is nothing that will come to us in this life that we cannot face. Stand up. Stand strong. Open the door. Let everything out. And then, after the wave, take a breath and start again. Let it go. You’ll feel lighter, calmer, happier, and stronger afterward. It’s just a door after all. Open it.
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