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The Only Policy

14 May

A man in Texas recently went to an estate sale, and bought an old chest of drawers for $100. As he was loading it onto his vehicle with the help of someone running the sale, they heard all kinds of metallic clanging coming from the bottom of the chest. It turned out there was a secret compartment in it. There was a hidden drawer filled with currency, jewelry, emeralds and diamonds, military dog tags, and Civil War memorabilia. It was an incredible stash of treasure hidden in an old piece of furniture.

Upon seeing all the valuable pieces, the buyer said he never imagined keeping them. He said they belonged to the original owner of the chest who had inherited it from his grandparents. Instead of greedily claiming the treasure for himself, he said, “This is fantastic. Let’s call the owner, and get the stuff back to them.” The owner was astounded when he was told of the find, and had no idea there was anything hidden in the chest.

I’ve been thinking about this, and the decision made by the man who bought the chest. Despite the obvious worth of the items hidden inside, he returned them to the original owner. It could be argued that he owned the items after having purchased the chest, and there is that old saying, “finders keepers.” But that saying has little worth. If it wasn’t ours when it was lost, it isn’t ours when we find it, unless there is no way to find the real owner. What would you have done? Would you have been tempted to keep the loot? Would you have mentioned it to anyone? You could have kept the pieces or sold them and made some fast cash. Would you have done that?

It is said that if you want to know what someone is really like, find out what they do when nobody is watching. I think that’s true. We might believe that if nobody knows what we’re doing when we’re doing something questionable, where’s the harm? Of course, the harm is that whether anyone else knows or not, we know what we’ve done. And we have to live with each decision we make. There is no way to hide from ourselves. What we do is always there. We have to face it every single day.

There is no such thing as being too honest. There is no sliding scale for honesty, despite what some may say. Being honest is like being pregnant, you either are, or you aren’t. Whatever we choose, determines who we are. Even if nobody else knows what we’re doing, we know, and it colors our behaviors from there forward. If we’re honest in all our dealings, we can face ourselves openly, and with confidence. If we’re shady, and deceptive, it may be harder to look in the mirror.

Today if you find yourself in a situation where you have to choose to be honest, and it’s a hard choice, choose it anyway. Take the high road. Be above reproach. You will never regret making an honest choice. They say that “honesty is the best policy.” Well, that’s partially true. Actually, if we want to be truly happy, honesty is the only policy worth living. Choose well.

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Playing Patty Cake

22 Apr

How honest are we in our relationships with our family, our friends, our co-workers, and our acquaintances? Do we ever pretend that things are better than they really are? Do we look the other way instead of facing a difficult situation, and hope it will just fade away? Do we just smile and laugh it off when we’ve been offended? If we do, we’re playing patty cake. You know that game that children play. Just like that game, when we pretend that things are different than they really are, when we look the other way, and ignore difficult situations instead of solving them, and instead of facing them head on, we are playing a game. Sometimes we bring others into the game, especially in our families. There’s crazy Uncle Louie who lies every time he opens his mouth, but nobody ever says anything. There’s mean Aunt Louise who talks about every relative behind their backs, and everyone just ignores her. And there’s that cousin whose mother dotes on him like he’s an angel, and once her back is turned he steals cash out of her purse. Everyone knows he does it – his mother even knows he does it, but it would be too unpleasant to address, so everyone looks the other way. Keep the peace. Don’t rock the boat. Play patty cake. This might work for a while but eventually, the truth comes out, and despite the denial, the problems have to be faced.

Maybe you know a family that does this. Maybe you do this. Maybe it’s been going on for years. Everything is smoke and mirrors. Everything is orchestrated to avoid the truth, to deny the reality of anything unpleasant. In this situation, it’s impossible to be honest. People who play patty cake often can’t keep their promises. They always have an excuse. Despite that, often they are the ones who are always telling others how great their life is, how perfect their family is, how wonderful they are. Of course, if you never look at anything negative, if you never face the truth, you can make up any sort of life you want. If you believed what they say, you would think they were perfection personified. The greatest that ever lived.

But they aren’t. They are dysfunctional, and they are in denial. They are living a lie. If we pretend things are different than they really are, we are not living a real life. It’s all make believe. If we don’t face our lives as they really are, we aren’t living our lives as they really are. We are living in a dream state, a pretend existence. Nothing is real.

If we want to be happy, really happy, we have face life as it really is. We have to face the truth, even if it hurts, even if it’s unpleasant, even if it’s hard. If we face the truth no matter what it is, and let go of the illusions, in the end we will find more joy, and happiness, and we’ll be genuinely at peace. What could be better? So today, if you find yourself thinking about playing patty cake to get through a difficult situation, stop, and think again. You can handle whatever comes your way by being honest, and straightforward. And when you’re on the other side of the problem, you’ll be happy knowing you faced it instead of looking the other way. It’s the only way to live if you want to be happy. And we all want that don’t we?

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