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Day of Rest

3 May

Years ago, Sundays were different than they are today. Most stores were closed, there were few, if any, local events, and there wasn’t much to do but rest, go to church, and spend time with friends and family. It was often a day when families would gather together for Sunday dinner, and spend time catching up. It was a day when we didn’t work, and when we took things more slowly. It was a day at the end of a busy week when we rested – we took a pause. But things were different then. We were different then.

Today, virtually every mall and store is open on Sunday, and there are lots of places to go, and things to do. Some families still gather for a traditional Sunday meal, but it isn’t as common as it once was. For many of us, Sunday is just another day. We shop, we work, we go to sporting events, it’s pretty much like any other day of the week. The old fashioned day of rest now looks like all our other days. We stay busy, and resting isn’t part of the equation.

Times change. Change isn’t always bad, but it is inevitable. Sundays are different now. If we practice a religion where Sunday is set aside, we may still reserve it as a day of rest. If we don’t, we may be just as busy on Sunday as any other day. If that’s the case, when can we set aside a day to rest? In our super charged society where we are so busy all the time, where there is never enough time to get everything done, where it seems we are constantly encouraged to do more, when do we recharge? When do we take a pause to reset and rest? We know we need the time for ourselves so we can be at our best, but if we don’t purposely schedule our lives for it, it slips away, and is lost. We just keep going. The result can be that we get burned out, exhausted, and fed up.

Every day we push ourselves to do more, to be more, and to get more done. But we are human beings, we get tired, and we need to take a break. We deserve to take a break. There’s a tandem relationship between pushing forward and taking time out. The best way to get ahead is to make sure we are strong and prepared, and the best way to do that is to take time to relax. If we make the time to STOP a priority, it will make us more energetic when it’s time to go again.

Today, think about scheduling a day of rest each week. Sunday is a good day for that, but if it doesn’t work with your schedule, choose another. But make it a priority. Make it important. Put it in your smart phone, write it in your day planner, and block it out of your calendar. Set the time aside to restore yourself, to rest, to reflect, and to recharge. Maybe just spend the day doing nothing. Maybe spend time with friends or family. Whatever it takes to refresh your body and spirit – plan for it and follow through. If you do, you’ll feel better, you’ll be stronger, and your focus will be clearer. You’ll be restored and ready to face whatever comes next. Our lives are busy, and sometimes challenging. We give, and give, and give. It’s time to give to yourself. Plan for it.

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Perception

29 Apr

Life is not perfect. Sometimes things go well, other times not so much. We have good days, and we have bad days, and sometimes we have boring, unremarkable days. But there are times when we have great days, and when they come everything seems terrific! Perception plays a role in our days, just like it does in everything else we do. What seems to be an unremarkable day to us, might be perfect for someone else. And the same is true about those around us. Our perceptions color what we think of them, how we feel about them, and what we say about them. It’s said that perception is reality, and that’s true. We base our realities on what we perceive them to be. We all have differing perceptions, even in the same situation. It’s how we’re made, but there is a trap we can fall into that can influence our perceptions negatively. That’s when we fall into the trap of complaining and criticizing.

Everybody knows a complainer. We all know someone that criticizes everything, and complains continually. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing, who we’re with, or how things are going, they will find something about which to complain. I know an older woman who has adopted this pattern, and frankly I think she’s about perfected it. It doesn’t matter what others do for her or where they take her, there is always, without exception, something for her to complain about. If she goes out for lunch, the salad is too big. If she goes shopping, there are too many things to choose from. If she sits out on the patio, the wind chimes are too loud, or the breeze is too cold, the sun is too hot, or the chair is too hard. When dealing with her, patience helps, but after a time it’s just exhausting to hear all the complaints.

There is always another way to see things. Our lives are not all bad all the time. The same is true with finding fault and criticizing others. None of us is perfect. We all have our idiosyncrasies and foibles. But there are some who feel it is their responsibility to point those inadequacies out to whoever might be listening, and make detrimental comments about those around them such as, “Look at those shoes she’s wearing, can you believe it? Who does he think he is acting like that? She’s always sucking up to the boss. He is so into himself he can’t see anyone else!” Tons of comments like these are a continual litany for those who need to criticize. It’s hard to be around people like this. They bring everyone down. They make those around them uncomfortable with the continual criticisms, and it’s hard to have fun when they go on and on. Plus, we know the minute we are out of earshot, the comments will probably be about us!

Complaining and criticizing are things we all do. Sometimes we are annoyed or unhappy, and this gives us a way to vent. But when they become continual traits that we engage in constantly, it becomes a problem. Today when things go wrong or someone annoys you, try to remember that they are only human, and like you, they are not perfect. Try to see the other side of the situation. Try to find something positive. Remember, you can only see what they show you – there is a lot more to every story. If you give others the benefit of the doubt, you’ll feel better in the long run. After all, it’s generally nicer in the sun than it is in the clouds. Say something nice when you feel like complaining. Say something positive when you feel like criticizing. You will lift those around you with your example, and you’ll be lifted too!

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The White Board

25 Apr

You know those white boards you see everywhere now? The ones with the dry erase markers that people sometimes goof up by writing on with permanent markers? At work, when a new project comes up, the meeting room we sit in to discuss it always has a white board. Generally it’s clean and ready to use, ready to record our brilliant ideas, our best plans, and all the other things that might work, or might fail as we go forward. It’s pleasing to see the clean, blank board, and it’s inspiring to think of what we’ll put on it.

What if we thought of every new day as a clean white board ready to record every thing we do that day? It’s pristine, perfectly blank, and we can decide what we want to put on it. However, we must record everything we do, so we should probably be careful about our choices. In the morning we get up, get dressed, have something to eat – we can put all that on it. Those are fairly innocuous, and don’t require much thought. But after we record those, we start making decisions. If we get angry – it goes on the board. If we are kind – it goes on the board. If we do well or if we fail – it goes on the board. At the end of the day, how will we feel when we look at all the entries we made for that day? Will we cringe at some of the decisions we now have to face? Will we feel good about the choices we made? It all depends on what we do.

The great thing about our lives is no matter what we put on the board today, before tomorrow morning comes, it’ll all be erased. The board will once again be clean and blank, and ready to record a new day. Yes, there may be some developments from the decisions we made the day before, but those decisions have already been written down and are gone. Now only our reactions, or the repercussions from them are what we will record going forward. In reality, each day of our lives is just like this. No matter what we did yesterday, or last week, last month or last year, today is a new day. We can change our course. We can make other decisions. We can choose a new path. We can eliminate things that have gone wrong in the past. We can design a new future. Every day, the board is clean, and we start again.

Today think about your white board. What will you put on it? Will you be happy when you review it later tonight? How will you change it tomorrow? Pay attention to your decisions, remembering that even though you may not really be recording them on a white board, you are definitely recording them in your life history. Choose well. We can change the future, but the past is set in stone. Make sure, as you go forward, yours looks the way you want it to.

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Oh snap!

23 Apr

Have you ever made a snap judgment that was way off the mark? Probably you have. Probably we all have. And I have as well. Some time ago, I was in a gas station store getting a soda. That particular store had a lot of gambling options, lots of scratch off tickets for sale, several lottery tickets, and other options. There was a man at the counter buying all kinds of those items, and I remember thinking he was just throwing his money away. An older woman, and what looked like her young granddaughter came into the store, and the little girl was chanting, “We want five dollars on number 4! We want five dollars on number 4!” I thought she was talking about one of the gambling options, and I was disgusted to think the grandmother was teaching this young child about that. Imagine my shame when I heard the little girl go to the counter and ask for five dollars worth of gas on pump number four. I felt horrible. Why did I jump to such a sad conclusion without any facts to back it up? I don’t normally judge others this way, and I felt so ashamed. I looked out the window and noticed their car was a big old gas guzzler, and seeing it, I realized that five dollars wasn’t going to go very far but may have been all they could afford. In order to somehow redeem myself for judging them so inappropriately, I went to the counter and paid the cashier to add additional fuel to their pump. Then I walked outside and said hello to the woman. I told her I had paid for some extra gas for them, and I hoped it would help. She was so grateful, and thanked me profusely – which I have to say, just made me feel worse. I told her it was my pleasure, to have a nice day, and I left. I remember driving away feeling so ashamed that I had made such an awful mistake, and humbled to realize I needed to change.

I have never forgotten that experience. Why was I so quick to judge that day? Why did I assume the worst? I have no idea. But whatever the reason was, it was wrong. We never really know what is going on in someone else’s life. We don’t know their personal circumstances, we don’t know their struggles, we don’t know if they’re happy or sad, and we certainly don’t know what decisions they are making. Making snap judgments based on little or no facts, and just on our (sometimes flawed) perceptions, is simply wrong. We just don’t have the whole story, and until we know all the facts, it’s impossible to understand anything.

That woman at the gas station will never know what was going on inside my head that day. She didn’t know that my gift of gas was really penance for a bad choice. If you have made this sort of judgment yourself, take heart, it’s not permanent, and you can change. Today as you’re going through your ups and downs, and you see those around you doing whatever it is they are doing, remember that what you see might not be what is happening at all. We never have all the facts until others give them to us. Be careful with your judgments. Don’t make assumptions based on half a conversation, an overheard statement, a surprise action or anything else. Don’t assume anything. Wait for the facts. That day at the gas station was a humbling experience for me. I won’t forget it. But remembering when we falter is a blessing. It helps us correct our courses, and if we listen, can teach us to be better. Today is a new day. Don’t snap. You could be wrong.

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In the Moment

13 Apr

I know a man that has been a distant friend for many years. I know his family and hear from him from time to time. He’s well educated and capable of doing many things, but he has one problem that has kept him from achieving much in his life, either personally or professionally. He can’t seem to live in the present. He constantly says things like, “After this happens, I’ll do that. After I get done with this, then I’ll look at that. Pretty soon the time will be right, but just not now.” He’s been talking about the same goals he wants to achieve for decades but hasn’t moved any closer to them in all that time. He keeps waiting for the perfect time, which never arrives.

He talks about the past a lot, what he did as a kid, what he did in high school and college. He has a vast photo collection encompassing years of his life, and his favorite past time is to pull them out and nostalgically talk about the good old days. His entire adult life has been one of reflecting on where he’s been, and waiting for things to start. He’s either living in the past or waiting for the future. He just can’t seem to move forward. He can’t get out of the gate.

There is nothing wrong with remembering times from our pasts. There is nothing wrong with waiting until the right time to begin doing the things we want to do. But if we get hung up on waiting for the PERFECT time to come along, we may find ourselves in this same situation. There are few times in our lives when everything comes together perfectly. They just don’t happen that often. If we wait for that to happen before we actually begin to live our lives, we may find that our lives have gone by, and we have done nothing. And that would be terrible. There is an old saying that when we’re dying we won’t regret what we’ve done, we’ll regret what we haven’t done. I believe there’s truth in that.

The best time to do what we want to do is now. The best time to start achieving our goals is now. There will never be a better time to begin to plan. Maybe circumstances aren’t ideal, and you’ll have a delay, but if we don’t make a plan to resume going forward we could get stuck. We are the only ones in control of our lives but we actually have to decide to take that control and use it. Lots of things will pull on us – our families, our responsibilities, our jobs, our commitments. But if we want to own our lives, we must find a way to manage those things and not allow them to manage us.

It’s a new day every day. If we take some time – today – to begin to plan what we’ve put off, it will be the first step. And every journey begins with the first step. If you’ve been waiting, postponing, or procrastinating, now is the time to stop. Start moving. Do one thing to end the inertia. And then tomorrow, do the next thing. One thing will lead to another, and soon the goal will be in sight. Start today. The future is there waiting for you

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