Tag Archives: Judgment

Giving the Benefit

16 Aug

We base our conclusions on many things. If we’re wise, we will be careful to base them on fact. Unfortunately, there are times when we make conclusions based on a situation, an impression, or hearsay. Sometimes those conclusions are right, but sometimes we’re way off the mark. When we interact with others it’s best to use facts when trying to understand what is happening. If we jump to a conclusion based on something we think we see, something we think happened, or something someone else said, we may be completely wrong. If we have doubts, we can give the benefit of the doubt before we decide to judge. If we do that, and things change we can adjust our perception. However, if we’ve already tried and convicted before the facts are known, it’s much harder to clean up the mess we’ve left in our wake.

Giving the benefit of the doubt means to withhold judgment on anything until all the facts are known. We wait before we assume anything, and allow ourselves to believe that the other party is innocent unless the facts show otherwise. If we wait until the entire story is revealed, sometimes we find that our first impressions were incorrect. Giving the benefit of the doubt increases harmony, and helps to build trust. If those around us know we won’t jump, and convict them before they’ve had a chance to explain, they’ll trust us to be there and listen.

We might be in a situation where we’ve been hurt because someone determined we had erred, or failed, or in some way done something wrong before we had a chance to defend our decisions. When that happens, we feel frustrated and unfairly persecuted. Everyone deserves to tell their story. If it’s assumed that we’ve chosen the wrong path before we can even explain, we may feel beset and hopeless. We might decide there is no point in even trying because decisions about us have already been made. But we have the right to speak up, and we can state our case clearly, and without reservation. Our story is ours to tell, and even if conclusions have already been made about us, we have the right to tell it. We can stand up for ourselves and be strong.

Today if something goes awry and you’re sure someone has done something wrong, wait and give them the benefit of the doubt. Don’t conclude anything until you get all the facts. If someone else has made an assumption about you that isn’t right, be courageous, and state your case clearly. We all deserve the benefit of the doubt. Today, give it, and make sure you get it. Listen and go forward with confidence. Be fair in all your dealings, and there is a better chance that others will be fair with you.

Tags: , ,

Oh snap!

23 Apr

Have you ever made a snap judgment that was way off the mark? Probably you have. Probably we all have. And I have as well. Some time ago, I was in a gas station store getting a soda. That particular store had a lot of gambling options, lots of scratch off tickets for sale, several lottery tickets, and other options. There was a man at the counter buying all kinds of those items, and I remember thinking he was just throwing his money away. An older woman, and what looked like her young granddaughter came into the store, and the little girl was chanting, “We want five dollars on number 4! We want five dollars on number 4!” I thought she was talking about one of the gambling options, and I was disgusted to think the grandmother was teaching this young child about that. Imagine my shame when I heard the little girl go to the counter and ask for five dollars worth of gas on pump number four. I felt horrible. Why did I jump to such a sad conclusion without any facts to back it up? I don’t normally judge others this way, and I felt so ashamed. I looked out the window and noticed their car was a big old gas guzzler, and seeing it, I realized that five dollars wasn’t going to go very far but may have been all they could afford. In order to somehow redeem myself for judging them so inappropriately, I went to the counter and paid the cashier to add additional fuel to their pump. Then I walked outside and said hello to the woman. I told her I had paid for some extra gas for them, and I hoped it would help. She was so grateful, and thanked me profusely – which I have to say, just made me feel worse. I told her it was my pleasure, to have a nice day, and I left. I remember driving away feeling so ashamed that I had made such an awful mistake, and humbled to realize I needed to change.

I have never forgotten that experience. Why was I so quick to judge that day? Why did I assume the worst? I have no idea. But whatever the reason was, it was wrong. We never really know what is going on in someone else’s life. We don’t know their personal circumstances, we don’t know their struggles, we don’t know if they’re happy or sad, and we certainly don’t know what decisions they are making. Making snap judgments based on little or no facts, and just on our (sometimes flawed) perceptions, is simply wrong. We just don’t have the whole story, and until we know all the facts, it’s impossible to understand anything.

That woman at the gas station will never know what was going on inside my head that day. She didn’t know that my gift of gas was really penance for a bad choice. If you have made this sort of judgment yourself, take heart, it’s not permanent, and you can change. Today as you’re going through your ups and downs, and you see those around you doing whatever it is they are doing, remember that what you see might not be what is happening at all. We never have all the facts until others give them to us. Be careful with your judgments. Don’t make assumptions based on half a conversation, an overheard statement, a surprise action or anything else. Don’t assume anything. Wait for the facts. That day at the gas station was a humbling experience for me. I won’t forget it. But remembering when we falter is a blessing. It helps us correct our courses, and if we listen, can teach us to be better. Today is a new day. Don’t snap. You could be wrong.

Tags: ,