There are some people in this world who, for reasons that escape me, absolutely HAVE to have the last word. They need to have the final say, the last comment, the end remark to close the issue or conversation. Most often this is during a disagreement or negotiation situation of some sort, but not always. This seems like a control issue. They can’t let it go, whatever “it” is, until they are the ones to end it.
Everyone has dealt with people like this and it is nearly impossible for them to let it go. If we say another word after they are supposedly done, they will speak up and end it again. This will go on and on until they finally get the last word. If the situation is intense and we feel strongly about something, we may be tempted to send one more salvo after they’ve ended their part, but that never works. If we say anything after they are done, they will revise and make another comment. The conversation will not end until they end it. Nothing will end until they say it’s over.
So how can we navigate this and still feel like we have some control ourselves? The most effective way to deal with someone who has to have the last word is to LET THEM HAVE IT. We can state our positions, we can be calm and effective, we can be clear and concise, and we can be in control of our emotions. After we have said everything we feel is important to establish our point of view, we can stop talking. The other person can then respond to everything if they like, say what they want to, and end the conversation by having the last word. Giving them the last word does not weaken our positions or us. It does not change our message or make it less important. In fact, by standing by our previous statements and allowing the other party to have the last word, we are in fact the ones in control of the conversation. We own it because we consciously decide when it will end.
People who need the last word can make our interactions difficult – if we let them. They can make the conversation go on and on way past the point of resolution – if we let them. They can frankly make us miserable and even lose focus of the original point – if we let them. But we don’t have to let them. We can be in control of the conversation, we can be in control of how things go and when they will end. If your counterpart needs the last word to finish the issue – let them have it. And be content knowing you set your own boundaries and stayed in control of your actions. That’s the most effective way to navigate the situation. And when we’re effective, most often we’re successful in achieving our goals. And achieving our goals, not getting the last word, is the prize after all.
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